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This Is Us
I Want a Partner Who Expands My World, Not Fits Into It
But according to the men I know, the feeling’s not universal
An ex of mine, who I’ll call Matt, recently admitted that if he were to meet someone with a life as established as his own — someone extremely committed to her job, who owned a house, and felt rooted in her community — it wouldn’t work, no matter how compatible they were. It would be too hard for them to merge lives, he explained. He preferred someone who fit into his; he just wanted someone “easy to hang out with.”
Though it felt like a million little knives piercing my skin to hear my otherwise-progressive ex admit that no matter how great a woman is, he isn’t willing to compromise to make it work — that in dating, being seen as equal is more of a barrier than an asset — it was also satisfying to hear something I’d always presumed validated so openly.
As my friends and I get older, I’ve noticed the ways in which the women I know are increasingly willing to adjust their lives for relationships that feel worthwhile, while the men I know tend to further cement their logistical criteria with age. I’m not talking about compromising our needs, as many of us (myself included) were wont to do when we were younger. I mean the opposite: women who have figured out…
