When My Coworker Drew Dicks, I Laughed

Source: Self

When a coworker of mine at a San Francisco-based tech company drew a giant penis with blue marker pointing at my face on the conference table (the table was made of erasable whiteboard, nothing permanent) while we were on a call with a client, a call I was leading, a call most of my teammates were also on, many in the room watching, I did not get angry. I barely flinched. What I did was laugh, and hard.

I know this because I recently came across a photo of the giant penis and me. Someone had sent it around in case anyone missed out. Staring at it, I can see, with disturbing clarity, a younger me falling over the table — the penis — with laughter. At the time the penis barely registered as weird. The day before a coworker had sent me a link in the middle of a large meeting and when I clicked it, porn took over my screen. We both laughed so hard we had to excuse ourselves.

Only now, over a decade later, do I notice my dangerously thin frame, the unnatural straightness of my curly hair, as I waive my middle finger at the photographer, a close friend to this day. Part of me wants to jump in and save the person in the photo, though she hardly looks like someone who wants saving. She’s laughing, busy, and unbothered. She looks like the reflection that another part of me still guiltily wishes she saw when I stare in the mirror — young, happy, attractive in a…